Hi y’all. Sorry for the delay.
We begin in Salzburg, Austria. Tammy and Victor are the first to depart. They leave at 10:13 a.m. Destination: Munich, and from there, they’ll travel an additional 700 miles to Bucharest, Romania. Tammy praises Victor’s reasoning and decision-making abilities. This is what TV professionals call “foreshadowing.”
The other teams depart, including Kisha and Jen, who leave seventh. Jen says that they need better communication. Gee, you think?
Brad, of Brad and Victoria fame, reveals that he is a recovering drug addict and alcoholic who has been sober for 25 years. How about that?
Most teams are trying to get on a Lufthansa flight to Romania; Brad and Victoria get on a KLF flight to Amsterdam, which is a truly amazing city. I love it, and were I on TAR, I might try to route a flight through there just to go back, but Brad and Victoria are trying to get ahead. Key word? “Trying.” SPOILER: This is where they get screwed.
Elsewhere, Tammy and Victor’s plane has a mechanical error and they must return to Munich. More foreshadowing.
In Bucharest, the teams must head to a gym for this episode’s Road Block, which is gymnastics themed. Participants have to perform a series of moves under the watchful eye of a gymnastics coach, and those eastern Europeans know a thing or two about gymnastics. Participants also have to wear leotards, which proves to be both ghastly (Mike) and strangely alluring (Amanda, Tammy).
So they tumble and twirl with varying degrees of clumsiness. We also see, thanks to the leotard, that Kisha has an elaborate tattoo on her back.
After gymnastics, the teams must venture to Brasov, Transylvania for the next clue.
So anyway, this episode is a great illustration of one of TAR‘s interesting aspects, namely, when unforeseen circumstances such as mechanical problems and flight delays rear their ugly heads, the players have to adapt and overcome. The producers do not charter private jets so everybody can stay caught up. It adds a level of unpredictability to the game as well as an element of realism, because when you travel, especially internationally, you can and occasionally will encounter the same problems. Of course, the average tourist isn’t being followed by a camera crew, being made to participate in humiliating tasks or competeing for $1 million, but still.
So remember how Tammy and Victor had to return to the airport? After that snafu, they just can’t get their TAR mojo back. A little bad luck combined with a series of bad decisions makes for a mighty challeneging leg.
So: Transylvania, and a Detour. Gypsy Moves or Vampire Remains. In Gypsy Moves, the teams have to help some gypsies haul a bunch of stuff that looks like it was pulled from a salvage yard. In Vampire Remains, they have to climb a mountain, drag a chained-shut coffin downhill, open it up with a series of keys, then impale a bunch of little frames filled with fake — at least, I hope it’s fake — blood until they find a flag, which they will present to a guy in a hooded robe to receive the next clue. Yes, it’s one of those needlessly complicated TAR tasks that can either be a breeze or a pain in the you-know-what.
Regardless of choice, all the teams perform their tasks adequately… EXCPET Tammy and Victor, who arrive at Vampire Remains and immediately follow a marked path up the side of the mountain. Trouble is, it’s the WRONG marked path. Tammy seems to sense this almost immediately, but Victor — you know, the guy with great reasoning and decision-making skills — blithely assures her that he knows what he’s doing. Oh, Victor.
Meanwhile, Mel and Mike, who did Gypsy Moves with relative ease, are the first to arrive at the Pit Stop. Can I just say that I love Mel? He seems to be in the race for all the right reasons: He wants to spend time with his son, he wants to see the world and he wants to have fun.
Amanda and Kris arrive shortly thereafter and are Team No. 2. They did Gypsy Moves as well.
Tammy and Victor? Still trudging up the hill. Victor begins to sense that he’s messed up, but because he’s the kind of person who doesn’t like to admit he’s made a mistake insists that they keep on climbing. This will cost them valuable time. eventually, Victor relents. He sounds defeated. This is the absolute worst thing you can do: When you are in this situation, you need to dig in and try to stay motivated, as hokey as it sounds. They climb back down the mountain and immediately see where they, and by “they” I mean “Victor,’ screwed up. They find the coffins and drag one down to the impaling stakes.
Victor impales a frame.
Victor, however, promptly loses one of the keys. This is now officially a comedy of errors.
Kisha and Jen arrive third, their best showing yet. They did Gypsy Moves, also. Seeing a pattern here?
Margie and Luke arrive fourth; they did the vampire task.
Mark and Michael, who did Gypsy Moves and Christie and Jodi, who did Vampire Remains, arrive outside of the Pit Stop simultaneously. They race to the mat, but Michael and Mark are a smidgen quicker than our flight attendants and are in fifth place. They congratulate Christie and Jodi, who look like they want to strangle the stuntmen. Heh.
Jaime and Cara: No. 7.
Here’s something I don’t care for on TAR: manipulative editing. The shows producers make it look like Brad and Victoria (remember them?) have a fighting chance, but they don’t. Tammy and Victor eventually finish the task and are Team No. 8. Victor cries at the mat. Let’s hope that this cranial-rectal inversion is a temporary condition and not the way Victor plans on running the race henceforth, or else he and his cute sister are toast.
Back to Brad and Victoria: The producers cruelly make them complete all the tasks. Usually when one team is so far behind that they haven’t a snowball’s chance in Hell of finishing anywhere but dead last, they will either tell them via clue “Proceed to the Pit Stop” so they can be mercifully eliminated, or they will send Phil out for a mercy kill. I recall that several seasons ago, Phil showed up to tell a team of stragglers who were in the middle of a Pit Stop that they were the last team and they were eliminated, so stop already (I’m paraphrasing). The team knew something was up because, hey, Phil just doesn’t drop by for no good reason.
So Brad and Victoria valiantly complete the vampire task, race to the Pit Stop… and then Phil kicks them off the show.
Next week: Walls come tumbling down.
