We open with Luke saying that he would do anything to win $1 million, although he actually signs it. My pal Meredith says the gesture for “$1 million” should be a pinky to the corner of the lips, a la Dr. Evil, and I concur.
But enough japery, there’s a race around the world underway! Mel and Mike depart at 10:49 p.m., and they’re off to Krasnoyarsk in beautiful Siberia. I love it when TAR takes its contestants to off-the-beaten-path locales.
Kris and Amanda, or as Phil says, “Amander,” depart next. Kris confidently states that their youth will help them win the race. SPOLIER: Tee hee.
Local faves Kisha and Jen are next to go. “My ass hurts,” Jen says, keeping it classy.
All teams leave, as they do. Weirdest moment: Mark and Michael use their cabbie’s phone to call the airport, but get Jaime and Cara instead. Jaime (or is it Cara?) pretends she’s a Lufthansa agent but eventually hangs up on Mel (or is it Michael?).
All teams book flights, but the clue stipulates they must all route through Moscow. Eventually, they all end up in Siberia, where they’re supposed to go to the massive Krasnoyarsk hydroelectric dam, which is pictured on the back of the 10-ruble note.
As luck would have it, the dam doesn’t open till 8:30 a.m. This is how the producers keep the race close; IIRC, during the first season, the eventual winners managed to build a substantial lead – like, six or seven hours – over the other teams. By imposing “operating hours,” the teams can close insurmountable gaps, but at the same time, this penalizes teams who are in the lead.
I’ve watched TAR since its inception, and I’m still not sure if I like it or not, but it ain’t going anywhere.
At 8:30, the dam opens and the teams race to the clue box, which sends them to the Church of St. Innokenty for the next clue, which is this episode’s Detour. They can either stack wood or build shutters. Most teams try to stack wood.
“It’s like Jenga,” says Kisha, who is in second place with Jen, but the piles aren’t very sturdy, and several of them fall to comedic effect. However, Kisha and Jen complete their stack with no mishaps and receive the next clue. They’re in first place, y’all! Louisville represent!
And this is where Phil pops up to explain a new wrinkle to TAR: The Blind U-Turn. In previous seasons, they used a U-Turn, wherein one team could make another team turn around and complete the second task of a Detour. However, teams using the U-Turn had to identify themselves as the ones who are actively messing with you. But now with the Blind U-Turn, teams can U-Turn other teams anonymously. Sneaky!
Kisha and Jen decline to deploy the Blind U-Turn, and they’re off to Bobrovy Log Park to get the next clue… …and a Road Block. Basically they have to ride a little bobsled around a track and memorize letters. The letters will spell the name of a “famous Russian author.” Sounds like fun. (SPOILER: It’s Chekhov.)
Back at the woodpiles, Margie and Luke finish stacking, and when they get to the Blind U-Turn, they use it on Amanda and Kris. Ruh-roh!
Kisha and Jen finish the road block first and head to the Pit Stop, located at the Theater of Musical Comedy. Christie and Jodi are hot on their heels.
Meanwhile, the teams messing with the shutters (including Amanda and Kris) work together. Meanwhile meanwhile, Kisha and Jen blow their lead, so Christie and Jodi are the first team to arrive at the Pit Stop. Kisha and Jen are mere seconds behind, and this is their strongest finish yet.
Luke has no idea who Chekhov is. He struggles to finish the puzzle, but it’s edited to make it look as if he flouders around for an hour, when it actually only takes him six attempts, so we’re talking maybe 10 minutes at the maximum. Still, Luke is awfully agitated. Settle down, Stress Lad.
The shutter contingency finish, and that’s when Amanda and Kris discover they’re been U-Turned. They find this “shady.” And while Luke and Margie really had no reason to deploy this move, it is not shady — it’s perfectly within the rules of TAR. Shady would be if, say, Luke and Margie had broken Kris’s kneecap with a crowbar, or bribed their cab driver to drop them off in a forest somewhere.
Regardless, Amanda and Kris are the last team to arrive at the Pit Stop and they are indeed eliminated. Don’t worry, they still love each other!
